Trigger Warning!
This world is a fucked-up, traumatizing, and hateful place. I live in this world, and so my words, experiences, and thoughts are birthed from within it. Further, it should come to no surprise that this blog will detail many of these fucked-up things in graphic detail. Fortunately, resilience is what I do, and I try my hardest to ferment inspiration from the darkest parts of my life. It's time to confront, it's time to resist, and of course... it's time to win.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Dear Heavenly Father AKA self righteous Patriarch scum-bag,

Sometimes I find myself upset that the days are going by so fast, I'm probably the only person in jail thinking like that. I'm also sad that I've heard witness and been a part of so much experience in here that I can't remember it all. My memory problems actually are another very sad story, remind me to tell you about them sometime. But one absolutely never ever depressing thing is having such Amazing Incredible Loveable Adorable Cuddable Huggable bad asses for friends! WTF, having friends send the most inspiring words from thousands of miles away, having friends come from thousands of miles away, just to talk to me through some horrible cage, so so so so amazing! They want me to feel defeated by denying me so many things, even those that are "legally mine" and I get frustrated and angry but never defeated. I can't, not with the support I have. The sky was so beautiful and clear today. Nevermind the ugly parking lots, buildings, bars, and two windows keeping me from it. Little sparrow-like birds come visit me, It's so cute, we stare at each other forever. Today one had a scorpion in its mouth. It spat it out on my window seal. I guess it could have been a spider, all I know is it made me hungry. My thought process went like this - "Ohh man, that's a bird eating a scorpion almost its same size, gross, cool, gross again, guts, oh mann, I'm hungry, I mean hungry, I hope my vegan friends wouldn't get upset seeing this - man I love non-vegan food, I bet that makes some people mad at me, well, it doesn't make non-human people mad at me and that's a good thing, I wonder if this bird is sharing, I wonder if it has babies, man I'm hungry, I could eat some babies." - and then it flew away... That was just 3-5 seconds of my day... Now you can see why my letters are non-linear - my thoughts are everywhere right now - I'm talking to my cell - we are making jokes about Global Warming and how it's melting our Jolly Ranchers and that if everyone's Jolly Ranchers were melting then people would take ecological destruction seriously - Yes... damn there's no need for these elipses, let me try again. Yes! to making inmates Anti-civ, actually Prison made them Anti-civ, I just gave them a book to put what they've always felt, in words, on pages, so they can for the first time (or at least in a long time) feel sane in their anger and frustration... One time I sat for like 16 weeks in an anger management class - I've never been so angry. So they closed the Hatto facility! It was a private prison they called a "family detention facility" but it was of course a horrible internment camp for immigrants or as they say in the German language "concentration camp." Okay, that's not German, but you can see my point. Some families got out for good, others on like a probation type thing and unfortunately a few just got relocated. But knowing that some amazing people this week got released from even worse situations than I find myself in, makes breathing a little bit easier, makes seeing birds even better, makes the sky seem so much closer, makes it to where if I close my eyes, even if only momentarily, I can feel a breeze, I mean really feel the breeze... and all of it brings me a much needed relief... I love ya'll as much as I hate cops and that's a lot! I mean (insert Anarchy-A symbol) lot!!!

Jayson Tx, the artist formerly known as #10126758

Written from the Nueces County Jail

(Transcribed by Charity)

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