Trigger Warning!
This world is a fucked-up, traumatizing, and hateful place. I live in this world, and so my words, experiences, and thoughts are birthed from within it. Further, it should come to no surprise that this blog will detail many of these fucked-up things in graphic detail. Fortunately, resilience is what I do, and I try my hardest to ferment inspiration from the darkest parts of my life. It's time to confront, it's time to resist, and of course... it's time to win.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Dear Fucked Reality (Yes that is a choking victim reference, suprise!)

Disturbed, depressed, distressed, and partially destroyed. That is how I feel right now. For the first time I am given a chance to see or read or hear news, it’s bad. Terribly bad.

Can anyone get more info on this 18 year old kid that was set up by the government? Ultimately, although this isn’t always the case, it doesn’t really matter whether he was a crazy right or crazy left extremist. He was a kid. A young one. Coerced and lied to. But nonetheless, more information would be nice.

In case you don’t know, the 18 year old I’m talking about was set up by the Feds to blow up a building in Dallas, Texas. Life in prison (with no chance of parole?) is what he faces. The charge he’s facing is some bullshit post 9-11 Bush era anti-terrorism charge. All I know is the whole thing depresses the fuck out of me.

We just got racked up for 2 hours and shooked down for a spoon that went missing. Nueces County has 2 jails. At one (not this one, but the other one, the annex) you are issued a spoon and cup, at the other you are not. So even though issuing us all spoons would solve the situation of lost spoons, they don’t. So once a week we get shook down because either someone miscounted spoons or someone accidentally/purposely threw a spoon away. Whatever getting shook down is microscopic in the problems that jails and prisons face and by that I mean the inmates who occupy them. Not to mention invisible to a world full of much more immediate and serious problems. Nothing comparable to what that kid in Dallas is going through. Nothing compared to billions of people living in poverty as a direct result of the U.S. tri-phecta of imperialism, consumerism, and sanctions.

Along with an increase in acne, a bloating of my belly, the (should be embarrassing) diarrhea problems, I’m starting to get boils, or at least what I assume to be boils. My body is saying fuck this food, fuck this lack of sunlight, nutrients, diverse physical activity. My brain is screaming for saturated fat to lubricate my receptors. Also, my body goes through periods of uncontrollable twitching and my eyes do this mini seizure thing when I try concentrating on a fixed object. Oh, and my feet and fingertips go numb numerous times throughout the day. But without trying to undermine the personal significance of my health, in outrospect, these problems are below minimal.

It’s a very real possibility that our children or their children will never see amphibians, bears, tuna, old growth, or non-civilized people. More for the history books or more to be overlooked/underplayed by the victors who write them.
Thought crime is alive and well! It is punishable by life in prison. Self-censorship equates to self-preservation and self-preservation comes at the expense of the great majority of the human and non human worldly inhabitants. I apologize to the rocks, soil, trees, birds, reptiles, mammals, and air for not speaking up enough. For not acting up enough. But of course, apologies are never good enough and they should never be.

“Believe the lies, before your eyes, credit cards and apple pie”

10126758 Jayson Tx

Written from the Nueces County Jail

(Transcribed by Charity)

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